On nights like this
When the world's a bit amiss
And the lights go down
across the trailer park
I get down, I feel had
I feel on the verge of going mad
And then it's time
to punch the clock

I put on some make-up
And turn on the tape deck
And pull the wig back on my head
Suddenly I'm
Miss Midwest Midnight
checkout queen
Until I head home
And I put myself to bed

I look back on where I'm from
Look at the woman I've become
And the strangest things
seem suddenly routine
I look up from my Vermouth
on the rocks
The gift wrapped wig still
in the box
Of towering velveteen

I put on some make-up
Some Lavern Baker
I'm pulling the wig down
from the shelf
Suddenly I'm Miss Beehive 1963
Until I wake up
And I turn back to myself

Some girls they got natural ease
They wear it any way they please
With their French flip curls
and perfumed magazines
Wear it up, let it down
This is the best way
that I've found
To be the best you've ever seen

I put on some make-up
Turn on the eight-tack
I'm pulling the wig down
from the shelf
Suddenly I'm
Miss Farrah Fawcett from TV
Until I wake up
And I turn back to myself

Shag, bi-level, Bob,
Dorothy Hamill do
Sausage curl, chicken wings,
it's all because of you
With your blow dried,
feather backed
Toni home wave, too
Flip, for, frizz, flop,
it's all because of you
It's all because of you,
it's all because of you

Okay
Everybody

I put on some make-up
Turn up the eight track
I'm pulling the wig
down from the shelf
Suddenly I'm this punk
rock star of stage and screen
And I ain't never
I'm never turning back